pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it was like eating out sand paper
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My ass is underappreciated
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
