my soul wont recognize me after tonight
time to smoke my breakfast
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
