I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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