if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
