david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize