hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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