coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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