The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
