There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
