I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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