i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
