We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
