Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
