I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
