Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
