so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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