The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
