they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
it's like iHOP with fire
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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