Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
