So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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