then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
