I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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