you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it's great music for shaving your balls
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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