just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
