Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
