I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Four minutes until I can fart!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
