We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
