He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
