Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
