i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
