I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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