If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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