it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize