I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
