dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
