dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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