guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
