I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
