she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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