I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just google imaged poop.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
