He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
