Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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