my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
