singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
