pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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