Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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