Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
