Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
