Did you just see the Batmobile???
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
