She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
