i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
