I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
