The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well I just put wine in my tea
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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