he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
