well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
