you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
