yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
