oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
