did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
