your parents love me but you hate me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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