I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize