btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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