I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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