Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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