u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
