I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
