Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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