i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
