We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
