I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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