pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just found puke in my bra..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
