if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
