Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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