dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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