Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
