she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
