Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
