Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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