so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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