evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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