I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
