There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
