i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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