Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
not ubering you a puppy
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
