but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
