Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize