Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
