she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
