"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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