Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
