I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
