So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
