i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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