If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize