Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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