she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
