ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
