I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
