I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
