I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
