They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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