My hair reeks of homosexuality.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
