are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
