...so i touched it.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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