I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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