Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
