There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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