You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize