I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
