Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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